At first I told myself they were short-cuts. In all honestly, cutting corners isn't necessarily the worst thing a mom of three could do. Lately, though, I think I've taken it a tad too far. "Adriane", as my mother used to say, "You're just being lazy". This is why...
Bottles: My two youngest are still on the bottle. One seriously, the other a wanna-be. I took away the wanna-be's pacifier, so now she mostly just chews on the nipple as a make-shift binky. Beating the system or whatever, I guess. So I used to pull out two bottles at every naptime and then again at every bedtime. Sometimes if we were having a particularly hard day, I would even pull a few more out for a "I-need-a-few-minutes-of-peace-so-put-this-in-your-mouth" type moment. So there, I admitted it. Anyway - One day, while unloading the endless sea of bottles from the top rack of the dishwasher (for the 2nd time that day might I add) I realized this was just nuts. No, no. It was INSANE. Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. I kept unloading the damn dishwasher thinking "This will change... tomorrow there won't be as many..." and then the next morning I would be emptying the fricken dishwasher full of bottles, as if they had had bottle relations and bred in there overnight. Cut a corner on this one? Oh, no. No, friends. That's not necessary. I can do one better. Now my girls have one bottle that they share between them all day and they take turns with it. Sometimes, and I'm really laying it all out on the table with this one... Sometimes, I don't even rinse it when it's being refilled for the next kid. Afterall, my toddler licks every damn thing in sight, so can her baby sisters germs really be that bad? I'm like Super Mommy teaching my children multiple important life lessons like patience and sharing all at the same time!
Kitchen Clean-up: Oh, the kitchen. If my husband tells me one more time "Baby, the only thing a person really needs to keep cleaned through the day to feel tidy is the kitchen" I will kill him. Dear Husband, it is NOT that simple. Well (insert evil laugh) until now. Meet my friend: Shop-Vac. Shop-Vac and I see eye to eye on pretty much everything. If it fits in his tube, it's getting sucked up. Liquid, dirt, dried noodles, bugs. It doesn't matter. Shop-Vac does it all. In fact, I've become so incredibly partial to him that he is now a very ugly but very permanent fixture in my kitchen. Right next to the highchair actually. Oh sure, I used to get out the bottle of cleaner and spray everything down. Use a tree and a half worth of paper towels to clean the cracks and crevices. I'd wipe down the table, the seats, the counters. 3 hours later I realized I'd had more than enough of that. I started cutting corners by using the already pre-soaked cleaning wipes and only sweeping every other day. On my off days I would just kick bits of cereal bars or scrambled egg out of the main walkways. No need to trample that mess into other rooms as well! Now, it's just me and the Shop-Vac... with the occasional spray down of the kitchen counter of course. There's nothing like a nice long dinner where the kids have thrown more peas and rice onto the floor than they put into their mouths. Chicken bits scattered under the table and smashed peas in the rug. Top it off with a crumbly brownie and there you have it. A trifecta of colors EVERYWHERE. Do I stress? Nope. Do I envision the hours it will take me to wipe all of that up and then the other 2 hours it will take me to pick the peas out of the broom and the brownie out of the highchair seat? Nope. Nope. Nope. I simply tell the kids to stay put, I turn on the Shop-Vac and then I go to town. At first I would just suck up every speck I could find. Now I make the kids sit still so that I can Shop-Vac them as well. No need to take their spaghetti noodles with them to the tub. No siree! If anyone could see us, they would probably call CPS - but I always close the kitchen window blinds just in case (insert second evil laugh). So there my kids are, mommy going from kid to kid with the Shop-Vac sucking up bits and pieces of food from their hair like I was using a genuine Flowbee. Don't worry, I tried it out on myself first. It kind of tickles. After their heads I move to their laps, arms, and feet. Once they've been cleared for take-off I go to the floor and then lastly, the highchair. There is something so satisfying about taking the Shop-Vac hose and sucking out every last bit of anything in that chair. Fresh and clean for a brand new day. I love it. I just love that Shop-Vac of mine.
Laundry: I've never been good at it. I even know people who like it. I, on the other hand, hate it. Like, really really really hate it. That much. I never figured out how to cut corners on this one so I just abandoned ship completely and did the unthinkable. I started washing everything - together. At first I would "accidentally" throw in a black sock or two with some questionable whites to see what would happen. When those came out looking fine, I upped the ante and threw in a dark t-shirt. Still looked okay to me. I mean, hey, I'm the mom who shows up at the playground with the extremely wrinkled pants and partly faded shirt and thinks it's okay because I have several children. As if my kids are now my excuse for my poor fashion sense and total lack for caring about my appearance. Oh yeah. Duh. They are. So now, not only do I wash most things in batches instead of colors, I also developed a new method for folding. Instead of leaving my clothes in the dryer until we'd all pretty much worn everything out of it, I decided to be a bit more proactive by putting the kids clothes away completely laid out in the drawers. No folding necessary. Just layers upon layers of flattened pants and shirts all waiting to be snatched up, worn and stained again. I'm telling you, for us laundry haters there is no better feeling than knowing that the laundry can go straight from the dryer to the drawer. Screw the hours of sitting and folding and then taking a bathroom break while my toddler destroys my towers of clothing like she's King Kong. I'd say I'm maybe even edging on enjoying laundry now, but nah....
The list just goes on and on, but unfortunately - and I'm ashamed to say - I would have you here all day reading about it. Gone are the days of wiping the kids noses with lotion Kleenex tissues, using two separate sized diapers for my 1 year old and 2 year old and putting leftovers in Tupperware. Today it's all about the shirt sleeves, buying diapers that fit everyone (even if they might be a bit snug or a little loose) and throwing the whole dang pot of soup in the fridge IN THE POT. Fifty years from now I want to look back and remember the good times. Not how long it took me to clean the kitchen. Thank you, Mr. Shop-Vac.
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