I am on the cusp of day 11 of the South Beach diet and I think I am finally starting to recognize myself. For the last 5 years I feel like I've gone from heffer to small cow to skinny cow back to heffer and well, yeah, the cycle went round and round. Since I am determined to have zero more babies (please don't jinx me please don't jinx me) I thought it might be a good time to take drastic measures to find myself. I am proud to say that think I'm finally starting to recognize my face when I look in the mirror these days!
A few things I've noticed during this transformation, as well as a few tips:
1. Get rid of ALL junk. Only buy your kids the crap that you hate. I think fruit roll-ups are disgusting. Guess what my kids get as a treat? Yep.
2. NEVER take your husband grocery shopping with you. It will only end up with you trying to read every food label in sight for hidden sugars and other nasties while he constantly says "It's JUST peanut butter! They are all made from PEANUTS. Just PICK ONE already."
3. Mentally prepare yourself that your new grocery bill will give you a mini-stroke the first few times you go shopping. I'd like to think this is just a preliminary phase and as the diet goes on, you'll find cheaper solutions for recipes. Until then, ask yourself "Is the extra $40 worth a smaller ass?" Exactly.
4. Be prepared to cook separate meals for awhile. Even though you might be okay with eating a slab of chicken with steamed broccoli, your kids may take awhile. Adopt the philosophy that if they at least eat some of the meat and veggies, half a box of Spongbob mac n' cheese might be okay.
5. You will build muscles not only at the gym but also by carrying the 3,000 cans of beans, vegetables, broths, tuna, tomatoes, and every other healthy canned good you could possibly think of from the car to the house and then from the floor to the pantry shelf. At least 60% of my complete purchase today was cans. I could tell the Wal-mart cashier hated me as she slammed the last few in the bag. On the upside my arms are becoming quite shapely.
6. All those things that scream "Organic!" "Whole Grain!" "Low-fat!" or "Sugar Free!" might just be a load of doo-doo. I will spare you the details on what I've been researching about the first three. As for the fourth, let's just say that from what I've read the "sugar alcohols" should just say "major laxative". I don't know what scares me more. Fighting off the sugar cravings or giving in to the "sugar-free" stuff and then not being able to leave the house all day. Sorry kids! Mommy can't go to the park today, I just ate a whole bag of sugar-free peanut butter cups!
7. Don't go easy on yourself. Don't fall for that "You can fall off the bandwagon one day, just be sure to jump back on the next!" bull crap. You'll find yourself "falling off" every other day and then pacifying yourself by "jumping" back on the next. Scream out loud to yourself "I'm tired of being a tub-o-lard. I want my ass or thighs or tummy (or all three!) back right now!". Be nasty, be pushy and I promise when the first few pounds start to fall off you will gain a renewed sense of motivation. I say this easily because I have eaten more eggs, nuts, cheese and meat in the last 10 days than I think I ever have in my entire life. A few veggies thrown in there too of course. And I've lost 7 pounds in 10 days. Nothing says full like 2 eggs, a can of green beans and a chicken with walnuts. A little celery with peanut butter for a snack later on and you're as good as gold.
8. This is not a commercial for South Beach. I just happen to really like it. What helps me is to take an interest in food, how it's made, where it comes from and most importantly, how it interacts with your body. Take a vested interest in reading all the really gross stuff like how many rodent hairs are permitted per pound of potato chips or how many maggots per jug of ketchup. In fact, read it twice and then post it on your fridge. I promise you won't want to eat them anymore.
Now if only someone could convince me there were worms in chocolate... Naaaah.
Good luck to all of you who are fighting this daily battle as well. It's a hard road but damn it feels good to be back in my old clothes again!
